In an effort to piggyback on the recent global warning debates, Bernie Sanders has announced his selection for Vice Presidential running mate: Super Villian Thanos.
Asked why he would make this unorthodox selection Bernie said in his trademark halted fashion: “We have to think outside the box…. Global temperatures are out of control….. so I hear. I don’t really know. But I do know that in the movie Avengers Infinity War. Thanos did. What needed. To be done.”
A baby began crying in the distance. “Wish Thanos was here right now to help me out with that!” Sanders laughed loudly, his millennial staff chuckled, not quite as loud.
“Listen, I advocated for Venezuela to implement the policies that drove it into the ground. People there are dying, but it’s not nearly enough. Thanos can wipe out a large swath of people in one fall swoop.”
An inquisitive onlooker shouted, “Why don’t you volunteer yourself for depopulation?”
Bernie smiled and said “ha, that would be like Hitler offing himself to advance Nazism. No deal.” “Plus my 3 homes aren’t going to maintain themselves.”
Asked if he was concerned about selecting a fictitious character as running mate, Sanders replied: “My career was built on fictitious ideas!” Sanders laughed harder…
$12/hour campaign plebs scrambled in the background. One staffer took over the microphone “no more questions, Bernie is tired now…”
