Brawndo Becomes 4th Major COVID Vaccine Manufacturer

Brawndo has become the 4th major COVID vaccine manufacturer with the release of its new Brawndo COVID vaccine.  Brawndo is competing with the likes of Moderna, AstraZeneca and Johnson and Johnson. Asked what it’s like to be one of the 4 major COVID vaccine manufacturers, Brawndo CEO said:  “ahhh, it’s not hard.  Bill Gates like, Read More …

NFL Changes All 32 Team Names to “The Sheep”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has decided to rename every NFL team “The Sheep”. Goodell explained, “We wanted a perfect representation of our mentality.  We’re going to go wherever we are led, no questions asked.” Asked who the league is being “led” by Goodell pondered, “That’s a good question.  I’m not sure.  Whoever is the loudest?  Read More …

Democrats Thrilled with New 23andMe Self-Serve Kiosk

The new express 23andMe self-serve kiosk outside DNC headquarters is receiving rave reviews from prominent Democrats: Elizabeth Warren:  “Boy howdy, I tell ya, we’re not in Oklahoma anymore are we Tonto?” Hunter Biden:  “This is a great way to see if I have another baby-momma.  If my Dad bribes you, will you let me pass Read More …

Man with Two Extra Houses Complains about Homeless Problem

Bernie Sanders held a rally where he decried the homeless problem in parts of America, “we need to make sure people have rooms over their HEADS!” One attendee walked away confused, “I thought Bernie had 3 houses.  If he wants to help, why doesn’t he give one or two away?” The man went further, “at Read More …

Democrats Inadvertently Cure Insomnia with Impeachment Proceedings

Donald Trump can no longer call them the “do-nothing” Democrats.  Democrats led by Adam Schiff have stumbled upon a cure for insomnia.  The cure appears to be Democrats themselves, droning on about impeachment. 1 in 3 people report at least mild insomnia. This is no small discovery. Asked why it works so well, professor of Read More …

To Save Time, Corey Booker Advises Donors to Flush Money Directly Down the Toilet

October 2019 Presidential candidate Corey Booker took to Twitter yesterday to advise supporters to insert future donations directly into the toilet. Turns out the “Get Woke Go Broke” trend applies to politicians too, not just to companies like Gillette and Nike.   Booker’s campaign is on the verge of being out of cash. Booker is almost out of support as Read More …